You've probably noticed it's been pretty quiet around these parts for a few months now. It's because really cool, exciting, and sometimes scary things are happening in my life. My job has changed, my time has changed and my reading has changed.
I've had to come to terms with the fact that my blog was the sacrifice. It was the piece I had to set to the side to let myself grow. And just last week, as Best of 2014 lists started showing up and I had the feeling that I didn't deserve to post my own since I've been silent on this front since March, I thought - It's time to write a farewell post and let the blog be a completed chapter of my life.
I've thought about writing this post - a goodbye post - for months now. Ever since I got my new job, which is so demanding but kind of awesome in a way that makes me feel like I've found my calling, there just hasn't been time for much personal reading, let alone blogging. But I haven't been able to pull this post together. I was serious last week - it's been long enough, and it's time. But today, I'm just not able to do it.
I just can't let go to this piece of my life, because it's a big, important part of why I am where I am today. I'm fairly confident in saying this blog changed my life and pushed me where I needed to go. I started in grad school, when I was unhappy and misplaced. YA was my comfort, my saving grace, my happy place. And I started the blog as a simple way of tracking what I was reading and just having a place to talk about the books I loved. And in 2 years, I grew a body of work that I'm really proud of.
I am so proud of this blog. And I'm not afraid to say that.
Because it became more than the books. It was a way of dedicating myself to something I was passionate about, a way of growing an expertise and indulging in a love. It showed me that I wanted to be working with books, it brought me back to an old dream and into publishing. And this blog was brought up in every interview I've been on since I set foot in the publishing world. I'm fairly certain the fact that I knew how to write about books, that I obviously loved reading, that I was dedicated to this world to the point that I posted nearly 5 times a week for 2 years - was a selling point to my interviewers. It gave me a portfolio, in a sense - and one that I created because of love and not obligation. I want to contribute a good deal of my career to this blogging foundation.
The other reason I can't let go is because I still want to feel some kind of connection to the amazing book blogger community. I have blogger friends, who I haven't been so connected with since I've let the blog slip to the wayside. I miss them. I miss talking books - I miss having go-to people who's recommendations I trust implicitly. I know they're still there, and I do occasionally check in or run into them at book events, but I'm a faded part of this world and it's harder to connect. Twitter is a big part of this. In restructuring my tweets to be more personal and less about books, I fear I've lost that platform, and it feels a little like standing outside the circle. But with this blog, still somewhere in my periphery, there's a hint of that connection back into this group - this warm, loving, community that is something truly spectacular.
So, today, I'm not saying goodbye. I'm saying, this blog isn't what it was, but it's still here and it's still a piece of me. I might post my Top Books of 2014 tomorrow, but I can't make promises. I might throw up a review now and then, but I have no idea when I'll have time. But I'm still around, and maybe no one else is. And that's okay. Maybe I just needed to write a little love letter to my blog for being so important.
So this isn't goodbye, quite yet.